Welcome to the Beer Olympics, The Year 2009.

Righ’ love, shall I tell you abou’ the Beer Olympics, then? I talked in an accent all night. I’m typing in one now. You probably can’t notice so I’ll stop.
I’ve been privileged to attend many glorious gong shows in my young life. The Beer Olympics was no exception. I feel like I drank a lot of beer, so the following is an approximation of what happened.
Saturday Night.
10ish pm
After powernapping, my date Asha and I journey the few blocks to her highschool chum, Blaine’s house. I’m greeted by Mike, a loud boisterous roommate, but am quickly distracted by mass spandex. The first (and only) spandex clad girl I notice is Heather. She’s the type of girl I instantly fall for, dawning a pink 80’s style bodysuit, sparkly spandex tights and a drawn on moustache. Her friend Jen is dressed normally, but if you’re friends with Heather, you’re obviously a good time. Oh? We need 4 to a team? Jen and Heather are recruited to join England (me and Asha). Done.
10:05
A swarm of yellow and black spandex clad Jamaican wrestlers pour out of the house, looking to compete. The case of beer in my hand is practically pulling me into the kitchen so we can start the party. I oblige, pull out beer and proceed downstairs to a basement converted to a full out pub for beer curling.
10:27
I shouldn’t blame the Jamaicans for not being able to curl. They just don’t have proper facilities at home. Team England took them in an embarrassing 50-0 loss. Unfortunately, winning at drinking games is a poor way to get drunk. The Spanish and the Mexicans are now waiting for a go. They all look magnificent. Asha and I leave the second half of our team to take on challengers and head outside to check out more of the action. I pass flamboyant Brazilians and green fatigued Cubans on my way to the campfire.
10:59
The 2 Steves at the campfire challenge us to Beer Pong. I cheat and pour extra beer into our cups. Asha and I forfeit the first game so we can drink the Steves' beer as well. Feeling good. Feeling obnoxious and English. Swearing too much. Rematch? Yes.
11:42
Asha’s younger brother Dex shows up with his posse (Team Ireland) as we finish our second game. Yes, we won. Yes, there is much rejoicing.
11:48 - ???
*Asha comes and goes, leaving me to babysit brother, friends and fire. I force booze, drugs and cigarettes upon them with flourish. Dex is being responsible, but is nursing a beer, so I let him slide. His friends John and Spencer seemed to be open to my bad influence – so I get them messed up. Asha brings us potato chips, there is much rejoicing.
*I meet a young fellow named Adam. Adam seems off put by the massive amount of spandex wearing men around him, I am off put by his attitude and write him off as a square. A short while later Adam is knocking apart the firepit and pouring Frisbees full of gasoline on it. Okay, maybe he’s not a square, but I’m still not impressed. He is making me sober up and act like a mom as I rebuild the fire pit. Asha shoots me a look and I decide to stop acting responsible and move elsewhere.
*I wonder away from the newly rebuilt and raging fire and speak briefly with members of team Spain. I say briefly, because they don’t actually speak English. “No habla espanol,” I say, followed by, “Me yamma Anne.” I then run into the house and am greeted by fresh pineapple chunks being sliced and served. I love them so much. I am one with the pineapple chunks. The flavours are making love to my taste buds.
1:?? – 4:?? The evening is topped off with a Team England reunion, more beer curling, beer darts, some sort of card game? Did that actually happen? Beerboarding (which is similar to shotski) and wishing we could adventure to Heritage Park but being trapped inside as it was pouring rain. I end up crashing on a recliner, drunk texting myself to sleep. Moved to upstairs in the morning to have one of the longest and greatest pees of my life and move to a proper couch.

Other random memories
*Gayfest with Jamaicans and Cubans professing their love for roommate Mike for long periods of time.
*Asha wrestling
*No one knowing what a Bonspiel was. (And calling themselves fans of curling!!)
*Getting a sharpee tattoo which said “Do You Know Y?” (very profound)
*People being shocked when I talked in a non-English accent
*Drinking beer from a chip bowl
*Using flattery to get free PC Dry beer after ours ran out. "Ooh - is that PC beer? Is it good?"
*Texting myself "There are 2 types of men in this world, those who'll wear spandex jumpsuits..."
* Not losing a single event, other than our original Beer Pong forfeit.