Paper Bag Bunny Story

Gertrude’s eyes shifted back and forth as she collected garbage under her paper lunch bag bunny body. The others would be here soon… she didn’t want them to know of her dirty habit… or any of her dirty habits for that matter. She settled on top of a couple of ketchup packs and a pop can as Lola, Wilfred and Maybelline hopped onto Anne’s desk where Gertrude lived.
Lola’s piercings screamed “badass punk.” Gertrude didn’t get it. She only had her belly button pierced, she thought it showed off her naked bunny body quite well. Wilfred was decked in a full green tuxedo, body filled out by the large bottle of water he held underneath… his fangs shone sexily in the light. Maybelline’s sweet polka-dot skirt and disposition made her make-up come off as “classy” rather than whoreish. “She thinks she’s sooo much better than me,” Gertrude thought sourly. “But I need these bunnies. Every last one of them.”
“Thanks for coming,” Gertrude started, as she splayed her rabbit body across the desk, garbage tumbling out from underneath. She blushed and continued through grease stained lips,
“We have a common enemy here my paper bag bunny friends. Sue Blair comes and collects garbage here every day. We must stop her.”
Lola rolled her eyes, “Who the fuck cares about fuckin’ garbage?” she spat in a fake English accent.
“Who cares about garbage?!” Gertrude spat back, quickly gathering a new pile under her. “Who cares about garbage?! You do know some humans would consider US garbage, don’t you? How long do you think a paper bag bunny’s life span is?!? One week? Two!? A year? WE will become garbage soon! We must stand up for ourselves and every other piece of so called “trash” in this place!!”
“She has a point” Wilfred chimed in.
“No one would consider us garbage.” Maybelline said sweetly, twisting nervously in her skirt.
“You better believe they would,” Gertrude was adamant.
“What’s the plan?” Wilfred asked
“We must get to Sue Blair’s office and jump her in the morning.”
Eventually all the bunnies agreed.
**************************************************
The next morning, Sue Blair strolled through the doors of accounting. The last thing she saw was bits of garbage being thrown at her from every direction. Then, blackness.
She awoke in the janitors closet, bound with an extension cord.
“We’ve been watching you, Sue,” Wilfred started, his crudely drawn fangs never looking more intimidating.
Sue moaned through her gag. Eyes wide with fear and confusion.
“We know all abou' your fuckin’ garbage collectin'” Lola hopped up to join in,
“We aren’t going to be tossed away without a fight.” Maybelline added.
“YEAH!” Gertrude yelled, a little too loudly.
“Shut your ‘ore mouth!” Lola snapped,
“I’m not a WHORE!” Gertrude retorted, fumbling with her belly button ring and blinking back tears as mascara began to bleed out her overdone eyes. She turned her now wild expression at Sue.
“You have to stop collecting garbage.” Gertrude stated calmly.
The bunnies left the closet and quietly found their way back to the creative and promotions departments without being detected. Sue was later found by Anthony, the Engineer and said nothing of the incident. Sue stopped collecting garbage until bags were overflowing and she was fired. On her last day of work, she found the bunnies and ripped each one to shreds. The bunny shreds floated down her throat and choked her to death. Sue’s ghost and the bunny ghosts eventually forgave each other.
Let’s all forgive someone today before it’s too late…


*** Make Your Own Paper Bag Bunny! ***
Get a paper lunch bag
Turn it upside down
Draw a face on the flap, with the bottom part of the mouth just underneath the flap.
Decorate (Don't forget a fluffy tail on the back!)
Cut out 2 ears and tape them on.
Enjoy.