Monday, August 31, 2009
Hi, sorry.
It's been too long my little friend. Life is crazy and wild and transitional and stuff. I haven't been in front of a computer a lot. I'm coming back... I am. I'll write to you, I promise. I'm sorry. We'll talk about all sorts of things. Aaaaalllllll kinds of things. Topics like "Let's Get a Job!" and "Ask the Magic 8 Ball! Gets Married!" aaaanndd "Shoes: Foot Prisons?" You know. The issues. Right now I'm laying on my old twin bed in my new room... life, I say. I feel like a kid in this little bed. It's my bed. I love it. Transition is close to being complete. So sleepy.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Aliens?
I was 12 when it happened. An innocent 4-H tobbogan party. Crisp, white snow hidden under the black veil of night. By the time I saw the jump it was too late. I hit hard and landed very strangely on my back. I could barely walk and sat indoors in extreme pain until it was time to go home. My back killed me for 2 days. I wondered if I did permanent damage. The third morning, I was miraculously better. But... there was a strange mark on my spine. I'd never noticed it before. It's still there to this day.
Flash forward 14 years. For the past month I've had a pimple shaped bump on my back, directly over the spine. It doesn't change size. It hasn't turned into a pimple. Putting medication on it has done nothing.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Why me, aliens? And, do i ever get to meet you? What's up with this new bump? Is it a tiny alien baby that's only now starting to grow? When will it hatch?
Flash forward 14 years. For the past month I've had a pimple shaped bump on my back, directly over the spine. It doesn't change size. It hasn't turned into a pimple. Putting medication on it has done nothing.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Why me, aliens? And, do i ever get to meet you? What's up with this new bump? Is it a tiny alien baby that's only now starting to grow? When will it hatch?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Let's Talk About Text Pt 3
My darling Lindsay sent me this blopic.
"Textual Attraction" -Discuss
Sometimes I think that a guy is really cool, so I give him my number and he then shatters my dreams by either A) Texting me before calling me which is not ok. B) Using contractions and text lingo, or whatever the fuck it's called. Spell the fucking word. Take the time. I will not date someone who wants to know if "ur going out 2nite'' for the same reason I will not get my hair cut at a place called "Scizzor Banditz", it's not funny, it's not cute, cut the shit, C) Uses a :) or a ;( or a fucking :P. The father of my children will NEVER have ended a conversation with a sideways face. End of story.
Wow – you said a lot there Lindsay
Okay – let’s ABC this.
A) Wait – guys CALL you? What? FUCK! You have some standards lady! Maybe I should get me some. Standards.
B) SHUDDER. Yes. The only people who are allowed to text me like that are my parents because texting a sentence is a ½ hour process for them. I prefer they don’t text at all. But, INSTANT turnoff for dudes… unless they’re just being annoying-cute. Then it’s annoying. But forgivable.
C) Okay, I’m bad for the faces. I do it. I sideface. Because sometimes an emoticon can change the whole “feel” of a text. Don’t overdo it though. I sideface 1 in 20 texts? I dunno. More to people who sideface me, anyway. I will never father your children.
Also, I will also probably side face you in a lot of texts from now on in an attempt to be cute and annoying ;) Puke.
D) To add to this discussion… what about jerk faces who are good texters? Why is proper grammar and the ability to string a sentence together such a turn on?? A good back and forth can drive me insane. What? You’re a no good bum? I don’t care. Text me you dreamboat!
E) I think this might constitute as “whoring” but sometimes I dream of starting a sexting business where I charge people $1.25 per sext message. That way maybe I’d get to sext a little more and I like money. But then I’d have to prevent myself from yelling at bad texters. Man, life is a trick. And if I can't get people to sext me for free, I don't know how I'll get them to pay for the priviledge. Ughhh.
Okay. Good talk. Really like how I made myself look like a pathetic hobag. Good. You needed to know.
Heart your face Lindsay. Most of the rest of you as well.
"Textual Attraction" -Discuss
Sometimes I think that a guy is really cool, so I give him my number and he then shatters my dreams by either A) Texting me before calling me which is not ok. B) Using contractions and text lingo, or whatever the fuck it's called. Spell the fucking word. Take the time. I will not date someone who wants to know if "ur going out 2nite'' for the same reason I will not get my hair cut at a place called "Scizzor Banditz", it's not funny, it's not cute, cut the shit, C) Uses a :) or a ;( or a fucking :P. The father of my children will NEVER have ended a conversation with a sideways face. End of story.
Wow – you said a lot there Lindsay
Okay – let’s ABC this.
A) Wait – guys CALL you? What? FUCK! You have some standards lady! Maybe I should get me some. Standards.
B) SHUDDER. Yes. The only people who are allowed to text me like that are my parents because texting a sentence is a ½ hour process for them. I prefer they don’t text at all. But, INSTANT turnoff for dudes… unless they’re just being annoying-cute. Then it’s annoying. But forgivable.
C) Okay, I’m bad for the faces. I do it. I sideface. Because sometimes an emoticon can change the whole “feel” of a text. Don’t overdo it though. I sideface 1 in 20 texts? I dunno. More to people who sideface me, anyway. I will never father your children.
Also, I will also probably side face you in a lot of texts from now on in an attempt to be cute and annoying ;) Puke.
D) To add to this discussion… what about jerk faces who are good texters? Why is proper grammar and the ability to string a sentence together such a turn on?? A good back and forth can drive me insane. What? You’re a no good bum? I don’t care. Text me you dreamboat!
E) I think this might constitute as “whoring” but sometimes I dream of starting a sexting business where I charge people $1.25 per sext message. That way maybe I’d get to sext a little more and I like money. But then I’d have to prevent myself from yelling at bad texters. Man, life is a trick. And if I can't get people to sext me for free, I don't know how I'll get them to pay for the priviledge. Ughhh.
Okay. Good talk. Really like how I made myself look like a pathetic hobag. Good. You needed to know.
Heart your face Lindsay. Most of the rest of you as well.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
NYC Friday #1
Noon wake up - dang! We miss our complimentary muffin and coffee breakfast! Such is life, let's explore!! The first place we hit is Cheap Jack's Vintage Clothing. Cheap Jack is having a sale! Up to 70% off! Walk in and find racks and racks of clothing from the 20's to the 90's. Funky dresses, killer hats, shoes, accessories... I'm immediately drawn to the disco shirt area (I've owned several in my life and am now down to one very sad disco shirt) - but alas!! The "discount" prices still put my beloved shirts at 80 bucks or more... not happening! But, still fun to look through. I wonder into the basement to find Jeff in the Men's clothing area. Cheap Jack's is seriously filled to the brim with the sweetest clothes... velour, polyester, jean, leather, ?? ... gah! We play lots of dress up and "look at this!" Jeff buys a couple of sweet t-shirts (pin-up tennis girl and Weezer)(which are a reasonable 20 bucks a pop) I wave goodbye to my beautiful disco shirts and we hit the town again. Next stop is Papaya Dog, where Jeff grabs a Philly Cheese Steak and Papaya Drink. I settle for a "Wizard" ice cream - as the name implies, it's magical, with nuts and chocolate and magic. We sit on the steps of the New York Library to eat and people watch. I'm actually really into pigeon watching as well. There's a really decrepit one that's hanging around us. I chase him. He's not really into it. Seen worse.
We hail a NYC cab to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) it's free day after 3:30, but we're early, so we walk down to Central Park.
Central Park is absolutely beautiful. Lush, peaceful. I see a turtle, we pass a kid's fair and walk up to this little wood shelter where you can sign out games. Jeff and I choose checkers and I play THE FIRST GAME OF CHECKERS IN MY LIFE. I lose brutally. Round 2 we tie. Checkers is fun though! Good stuff. It's starting to rain and MoMA's free, so we pack up and head out. Animals here are so sophisticated. On our way we pass a dog who's a foot from a squirrel and neither of them take any concern. Come on dog!! What are you doing?? Squirrel! Wake up! What is going on?!
We get to MoMA and there's people everywhere on the street, 4 across, around the whole block. We find the entrance and discover we're not the only ones in on this "free day" thing, so we have to line up as well. Walk around the block again to find the end of the line. We pass the American Folk Art Museum when we're walking that ALSO has free Friday at 5:30 - with live music! Hmm? Then I hop out of line to grab a drink at the vendor. I see Hawaiian punch - OMG! I get really flustered and excited and buy it and find Jeff and he says "Oh, not Tahiti treat." SHIT! That's right! That's the special good one. The Hawaiian punch is pretty lame, I pout and swig it down. We get museum tix and make our way through the swarm. No backpacks allowed, so I fold mine funny and pretend it's a modern art purse thing. Totally fool them. Get in and the art is pretty strange. I actually am frustrated by a lot of it. I can't see the talent, my emotions aren't provoked... I dunno. It's kinda lame-o. Plus, it's soooo busy. One cool thing we see is this Japanese artist's mom's house frame and everything she ever owned laid out. It's supposed to showcase the "waste not" attitude of that gen and was pretty cool to see. The museum is 4 levels and huge, so we bust through each and get out. I apologize to Jeff.
It's pouring rain, so we seek shelter at the front of this church to rest our feet. The rain inspires us to check out the other museum.
The Museum of Folk Art is cool! Especially after the MoMA madness. It's pretty empty and peaceful. There's kaleidoscope inspired quilts, wood sculptures of alien monsters, crazy water colour paintings of kids fighting evil adults... I dig it. A lot.
The band begins to play downstairs and we catch their set. Jessie Murphy in The Woods, not a folk band (suprisingly), but an Indie trio of girls who pull out different funky instruments for every song it seems. My two favorite tunes feature horses - one, inspired by a Derby horse that broke both front legs coming in second, and another about being excited to be a horse again (reincarnation style, methinks.) The band ends, it's still raining and my hooves and head are sore, so we hail a cab back to the hotel.
Pain killers and beer. I'm good to go again! We grab dinner on our way to the Upright Citizen's Brigade (A sketch comedy institution/bar) Hubbard brings his slice of pizza into the sushi place I'm magnetically drawn to. I indulge in the form of avacado peanut and veggie tempura rolls.
At UCB Theater we line up, confusion involving tickets and bathrooms, line up again, get in, front row seats! Wee! The show is called "Backyard Brawl" 2 hilarious sketch groups, Bleak!Comedy and TheStraightMen battle it out through 6 sketches, looking for audience votes to win their way back next week. It's hosted by another couple of comedy groups, Sidecar and M.A.D. who perform also.
I laugh a lot... till I cry at one point during M.A.D.'s "Moist" sketch... (you'll hear me using this word a lot more frequently now) The show's only 5 bucks - and there's comedy here 7 nights a week, so if you're in NYC - GO! (Did I mention one of the founders is my beloved Amy Poehler?) Upright Citizens Brigade also has lots of comedy classes you can take, which Jeff and I dream of as part of the NY life we are creating.
Show's out and we stop by a recommended bar "Stout" for a drink. A big black bouncer comes out singing, so I'm pretty sure it'll be a fun place. I stroll in non-chalantly, then realize Jeff isn't with me and find him getting IDed outside. The bouncers call me a cradle robber! How old do I look?? Old enough, baby. Okay, where am I? Yes. So I grab a Manhattan, Hubbard, a Wild Horse Double Stout and we sit in a non busy section and chill. The bar's pretty cool, but there's not much to do, so we finish drinks and wander home, peeking into Irish pubs along the way.
2:30am, back at the hotel, beer and karaoke googling. Duece Bigalo, European Gigalo is the bedtime story. Hey! APW tomorrow! YES! To say I heart New York is an extreme understatement at this point. Great first full day.
We hail a NYC cab to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) it's free day after 3:30, but we're early, so we walk down to Central Park.
Central Park is absolutely beautiful. Lush, peaceful. I see a turtle, we pass a kid's fair and walk up to this little wood shelter where you can sign out games. Jeff and I choose checkers and I play THE FIRST GAME OF CHECKERS IN MY LIFE. I lose brutally. Round 2 we tie. Checkers is fun though! Good stuff. It's starting to rain and MoMA's free, so we pack up and head out. Animals here are so sophisticated. On our way we pass a dog who's a foot from a squirrel and neither of them take any concern. Come on dog!! What are you doing?? Squirrel! Wake up! What is going on?!
We get to MoMA and there's people everywhere on the street, 4 across, around the whole block. We find the entrance and discover we're not the only ones in on this "free day" thing, so we have to line up as well. Walk around the block again to find the end of the line. We pass the American Folk Art Museum when we're walking that ALSO has free Friday at 5:30 - with live music! Hmm? Then I hop out of line to grab a drink at the vendor. I see Hawaiian punch - OMG! I get really flustered and excited and buy it and find Jeff and he says "Oh, not Tahiti treat." SHIT! That's right! That's the special good one. The Hawaiian punch is pretty lame, I pout and swig it down. We get museum tix and make our way through the swarm. No backpacks allowed, so I fold mine funny and pretend it's a modern art purse thing. Totally fool them. Get in and the art is pretty strange. I actually am frustrated by a lot of it. I can't see the talent, my emotions aren't provoked... I dunno. It's kinda lame-o. Plus, it's soooo busy. One cool thing we see is this Japanese artist's mom's house frame and everything she ever owned laid out. It's supposed to showcase the "waste not" attitude of that gen and was pretty cool to see. The museum is 4 levels and huge, so we bust through each and get out. I apologize to Jeff.
It's pouring rain, so we seek shelter at the front of this church to rest our feet. The rain inspires us to check out the other museum.
The Museum of Folk Art is cool! Especially after the MoMA madness. It's pretty empty and peaceful. There's kaleidoscope inspired quilts, wood sculptures of alien monsters, crazy water colour paintings of kids fighting evil adults... I dig it. A lot.
The band begins to play downstairs and we catch their set. Jessie Murphy in The Woods, not a folk band (suprisingly), but an Indie trio of girls who pull out different funky instruments for every song it seems. My two favorite tunes feature horses - one, inspired by a Derby horse that broke both front legs coming in second, and another about being excited to be a horse again (reincarnation style, methinks.) The band ends, it's still raining and my hooves and head are sore, so we hail a cab back to the hotel.
Pain killers and beer. I'm good to go again! We grab dinner on our way to the Upright Citizen's Brigade (A sketch comedy institution/bar) Hubbard brings his slice of pizza into the sushi place I'm magnetically drawn to. I indulge in the form of avacado peanut and veggie tempura rolls.
At UCB Theater we line up, confusion involving tickets and bathrooms, line up again, get in, front row seats! Wee! The show is called "Backyard Brawl" 2 hilarious sketch groups, Bleak!Comedy and TheStraightMen battle it out through 6 sketches, looking for audience votes to win their way back next week. It's hosted by another couple of comedy groups, Sidecar and M.A.D. who perform also.
I laugh a lot... till I cry at one point during M.A.D.'s "Moist" sketch... (you'll hear me using this word a lot more frequently now) The show's only 5 bucks - and there's comedy here 7 nights a week, so if you're in NYC - GO! (Did I mention one of the founders is my beloved Amy Poehler?) Upright Citizens Brigade also has lots of comedy classes you can take, which Jeff and I dream of as part of the NY life we are creating.
Show's out and we stop by a recommended bar "Stout" for a drink. A big black bouncer comes out singing, so I'm pretty sure it'll be a fun place. I stroll in non-chalantly, then realize Jeff isn't with me and find him getting IDed outside. The bouncers call me a cradle robber! How old do I look?? Old enough, baby. Okay, where am I? Yes. So I grab a Manhattan, Hubbard, a Wild Horse Double Stout and we sit in a non busy section and chill. The bar's pretty cool, but there's not much to do, so we finish drinks and wander home, peeking into Irish pubs along the way.
2:30am, back at the hotel, beer and karaoke googling. Duece Bigalo, European Gigalo is the bedtime story. Hey! APW tomorrow! YES! To say I heart New York is an extreme understatement at this point. Great first full day.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
blip blop bloop blog
My delicious friend Chelsea Rauch - WHO I GET TO SEE TONIGHT!!! Gave me some helpful blopic suggestions. Asha too... maybe.
So
1) It was a hilar email. I may discuss further points later, but let's talk about this one.
*I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
YES! PLEASE! Someone - destroy my computer history and my journal - please god my journal, when I die. Facebook will also need to be destroyed. AND NO LOOKING JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE CURIOUS. I only want people to love dead Anne. I DO take steps to periodically destroy portions of my misadventures and twisted thoughts, but it's up to you too! I really need to come up with a buddy system for this sort of thing. Also! Readers! If you're interested in a momento from my death, send your requests! I've already let Chelsea know that I'm leaving her a kitten... even though I don't own a kitten, I want her to go pick up a free one to remember me by. (Perhaps you could name it Baxter?)
2) 101 had people over!! I wasn't informed of this!! How DARE they!! Josh was sick yesterday! Sick people shouldn't have parties. They are sneaky and we will confront them tonight. Also, I love bats. Sorry! But I do.
3) The daily puppy is so wicked rad! I usually adore it - yesterday's was a little dirty, I'll give you that. But I'm usually pro puppy. I looked for a daily kitten and there was none. I tried to make my own daily kitten link, but it didn't work. :( Sorry my friend! Only puppies for now!
4) Okay - Backstreet Boys vs. NSync. Well... I was too cool to listen to either when I was a rock n roll child... but, I will say Justin Timberlake with his curly hair was quite appealing... I also thought JC was tasty. BSB, I liked well... no one really. And I'd also pick NSync in a fight, since they have 5 members to BSB's 4. So... even though I never listened to either... I still get their songs in my head sometimes. I don't know. Any of YOU have thoughts on the "bands"?
So
1) It was a hilar email. I may discuss further points later, but let's talk about this one.
*I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
YES! PLEASE! Someone - destroy my computer history and my journal - please god my journal, when I die. Facebook will also need to be destroyed. AND NO LOOKING JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE CURIOUS. I only want people to love dead Anne. I DO take steps to periodically destroy portions of my misadventures and twisted thoughts, but it's up to you too! I really need to come up with a buddy system for this sort of thing. Also! Readers! If you're interested in a momento from my death, send your requests! I've already let Chelsea know that I'm leaving her a kitten... even though I don't own a kitten, I want her to go pick up a free one to remember me by. (Perhaps you could name it Baxter?)
2) 101 had people over!! I wasn't informed of this!! How DARE they!! Josh was sick yesterday! Sick people shouldn't have parties. They are sneaky and we will confront them tonight. Also, I love bats. Sorry! But I do.
3) The daily puppy is so wicked rad! I usually adore it - yesterday's was a little dirty, I'll give you that. But I'm usually pro puppy. I looked for a daily kitten and there was none. I tried to make my own daily kitten link, but it didn't work. :( Sorry my friend! Only puppies for now!
4) Okay - Backstreet Boys vs. NSync. Well... I was too cool to listen to either when I was a rock n roll child... but, I will say Justin Timberlake with his curly hair was quite appealing... I also thought JC was tasty. BSB, I liked well... no one really. And I'd also pick NSync in a fight, since they have 5 members to BSB's 4. So... even though I never listened to either... I still get their songs in my head sometimes. I don't know. Any of YOU have thoughts on the "bands"?
Shoot!
I forgot my little travel journal at home for the second day, so I won't be writing about my trip. Any blopic suggestions?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Blog News.
K... My blog is going to get a little vacation journaly for awhile, so I'm going to try to mix it up with random gaymo posts in between. K? Sorry. I didn't intend for this to become a "Dear Diary" thing when I started. Just random shiz. I'm so NYC crazy right now it doesn't even matta though. It's all I'm going to think about for awhile. Except... I should probably think about work. WORK. Hahaha! 10 more days of it and I'm gone!!
Monday, August 3, 2009
NYC Thursday #1
My last flog blog ends just before we land in Dallas. The next flight I'm window seat and pretty obsessed with staring outside. The gay flight attendent, Jasper, didn't serve us (instead we got Gladys)I listened to Norm MacDonald on Jeff's Ipod (Tex Hooper - hilar) and yadda yadda yadda - Now we're in New York!!!
Hopped our first Taxi and settled into a wicked room. Nicer than internet pics, super clean, Midtown Manhattan... seriously... boner hotel. But who gives a fuck about the hotel!? Let's hit the streets.
We wonder out and get a black and white cookie each from the first shop we walk into. Yes. The cookies are AWESOME! Even people walking on the street were like - HEY! Black and White cookie! Oh the love!
We end up in Chelsea, a lot of people are trying to get me to thread my eyebrows. Best deal - 3 bucks! But I had them waxed before my vacation. Damn my vanity! Cookies are done - maybe something a little more substantial? We grab pizza and Jeff gets some sort of funky concotion from this little place. I can't BELIEVE how good mine tastes. Love the view too - gaydar is beeping like crazy! Do a little stoop sitting, then grab beersky's from Whole Foods Market. Jeff picks Brooklyn Beer and I buy very overpriced Gonzo Imperial Porter. A tall dark and handsome stares at me awkwardly until I offer to show him my ID. This pleases him, then he jokes about how my birthday must fall on Thanksgiving some years, for the sake of pleasant banter I play along and pretend I'm American. After hitting a second liquor store for chamagne, we head home, I choke down 1 disgusting Gonzo beer, Jeff has a tasty Brookyln Beer and we crash HARD. Wake up at Midnight and wonder through Times Square, sit on the steps of the US postal building, walk by Madison Square Gardens and get back around 2amish? I dunno. More sleep.
Hopped our first Taxi and settled into a wicked room. Nicer than internet pics, super clean, Midtown Manhattan... seriously... boner hotel. But who gives a fuck about the hotel!? Let's hit the streets.
We wonder out and get a black and white cookie each from the first shop we walk into. Yes. The cookies are AWESOME! Even people walking on the street were like - HEY! Black and White cookie! Oh the love!
We end up in Chelsea, a lot of people are trying to get me to thread my eyebrows. Best deal - 3 bucks! But I had them waxed before my vacation. Damn my vanity! Cookies are done - maybe something a little more substantial? We grab pizza and Jeff gets some sort of funky concotion from this little place. I can't BELIEVE how good mine tastes. Love the view too - gaydar is beeping like crazy! Do a little stoop sitting, then grab beersky's from Whole Foods Market. Jeff picks Brooklyn Beer and I buy very overpriced Gonzo Imperial Porter. A tall dark and handsome stares at me awkwardly until I offer to show him my ID. This pleases him, then he jokes about how my birthday must fall on Thanksgiving some years, for the sake of pleasant banter I play along and pretend I'm American. After hitting a second liquor store for chamagne, we head home, I choke down 1 disgusting Gonzo beer, Jeff has a tasty Brookyln Beer and we crash HARD. Wake up at Midnight and wonder through Times Square, sit on the steps of the US postal building, walk by Madison Square Gardens and get back around 2amish? I dunno. More sleep.
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