Cuteoverload.com - a guilty pleasure for snowy nights

What?  You have a problem with gophers kissing?  Get over it.  It's part of our lives now.  

I miss these puppies and we've never even met.

Oh big dog... yes, I will give you a pet.  And a scratch behind the ears.  Yes I will.  Who's a good dog?  You are.  Yes you are.

Rrrrrrrraaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!

 

Love this feeling.  

SHUT UP LAMB!!!  

My favourite duck.    

K. My trip to the Doctor's office.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess.  Me.  Anne.  Anne Baxter is my name.  I was driving my Sunfire, Phyllis, by Thorncliff Medical Centre and saw a sign advertising a new doctor taking patients.  I got an appointment and the doc sent me on a fasting quest to the mystical forest of blood and urine samples.  When I returned, the doc went through my results...

"Well, Annie, looks good and good and... hey, do you eat a lot of fruits and vegetables?"

"Sure do boss!"

"Yeah... the thing is, your potassium level looks high here.  I'm going to get you to stop eating fruits and vegetables."

"Even vegetables?" (This was literally what I said.)

"Fresh ones especially."

"Uhhh, Doc, the thing is... I'm vegetarian."

"Go to the mystical forest again Friday.  Come back Monday."

"Until then stay away from potassium!  I'm a doctor!"

So... looking into potassium levels further, it appears almost everything I love is choc full of it.  But you know what doesn't have a ton of potassium?  No, really... do you?  

Someone said they were "stumped" and

The first thing I thought was - well, you can search for the "root" of the problem, or "branch out"

Sometimes I hate myself.

Did I say I was going to start posting again?

Ughhh. I'm terrible!
I could write many excuses, but I know you won't have it.

So... let's write for a couple minutes. (We're talking quantity over quality here)

Some religious dudes just came to my door. They asked me if I knew about heaven and if there is a heaven, how to get in. I said I'm pretty sure I'm on the guest list for rock and roll heaven, but you better give me those pamphlets anyway. Actually, there was just some polite yabber and I took 2 magazines so they would leave. One is called "Awake!" and the teaser articles on the front are "Is Divorce the Answer?", as well as "Also: Is belief in God reasonable?"
The second mag is called "The Watchtower - Announcing Jehova's Kingdom" It only has one article listed on the front, and it's a real doozy : "Do All Good People Go To Heaven?"
Without reading any of these articles I know the "answers" to all of them. And, yes children, the answers involve a lot of quotation marks and conversions. I hate how all of these questions are answered with no hesitation by the bible. Well, in this chapter, it says this, so we can infer that this is the answer IRREVOCABLY WITH NO ARGUMENTS. Problem is - you can get the bible to say pretty much whatever you want if you pull out the right passages... and the new testament was put together by a bunch of Roman dudes who decided how they wanted Jesus to be viewed so they could bring their empire closer together. I mean, if you're into God - awesome. But, I think most Christians realize that the bible is not meant to be taken literally word for word. Otherwise... Adam and Eve's babies incested it up - which the bible also condemns... so... slippery slope.
I've read one Jehovah's Witness mag before and they had a big spread on what god loves and we should love and what god hates and we should hate and I think the hate thing is what broke my back. (I'm a camel) Anyway... yadda yadda yadda... shouldn't talk religion.
Anyway - that's a peek into my day. I also bought a 5 dollar cupcake to support Haiti. Students keep selling baked goods for Haiti and I keep buying them, thinking it's a great excuse to eat poorly. Which it is... but I need to stop. It was a Crave Cupcake and it was mounded with icing and it was so rich and moist and amazing... but now I'll skip breakfast. Oy vey. Isn't my life just the hardest? I want to smack myself sometimes. Anyway - workie workie.

I Bought CD's Again Today

Hello reader,

How lone have been the winter hours without blog smalltalk? At least that adorable puppy of the day is on here. "You don't walk away with nothin'", that's The Daily Puppy's motto. But still, no good. I sorry!! Look at the cute puppy's face to determine my level of regret. A cute puppy!!! Ahhh, whatever. There is more to blogging than puppies. Why, even recently a few of me favourite blogs shut down production. Thank the lord for http://theerinberjainenewsletter.blogspot.com/ lighting the way Anyway. I bought CD's again today.
It's a bit of a compulsion. I know it's an unnecessary expense... but it feels so good. I need to flesh out my collection. The mixed CD's are happening, but there are staples that go unrepresented and uncherished. They're so pretty to collect. So pretty to hear and hold. To honour and obey. (Just kidding about the obey part) Do you guys still go out and buy CD's? It's so frivolous and I bought Tom Waits "Franks Wild Years", Queens of the Stone Age Live DVD CD set, and another Eagles of Death Metal,"Death By Sexy." Anyway, great stuff. So spicy. And I DIDN'T buy shoes today. So it totally evens out. Right? I just won't buy shoes? Who needs shoes? Not me. Shut up, pinky toes. My shoes fit fine. SHUT UP SHUT UP GET OUT OF MY HEAD PINKY TOES! YOU RUTHLESS MONGERS! (Just kidding again)
Just fine.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm coming back for a bit. :D Hi!!!

Ask The Magic 8 Ball!!! New Years 2010 Edition

Hey Magic 8 Ball. Happy New Year!

Q1: Any resolutions for 2010?
A1: Most likely

Comment: Haha, oh 8 ball. I feel like we're on the same page with this one. One thing I'm going to try is taking the bus to school 3x a week.

Q2: Will 2010 be "The Year of Anne"?
A2: My sources say no.

Comment: Can't win em all, eh 8 ball?

Q3: Sylvia Browne predicts "Aliens will begin to show themselves in the year 2010, they will not harm us, they simply want to see what we are doing to this planet. They will teach us how to use anti-gravity devices again, such as they did for the pyramids." (P.S. Give me a break and give the Egyptians some credit, 8 Ball, but roll with me...) Anyhoo, my question is... is Sylvia Browne right, or what?
A3: Yes.

Comment: I'm going to go ahead and call straight up bullshit on this one, Eighty. Like that time you told me I was going to die in a car accident when I was 19.

Which I DIDN'T. AND TOTALLY DIDN'T EVEN STRESS ABOUT FOR 2 YEARS, BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST AN EIGHT BALL. Don't look at me like that. 8 Ball!! Don't. Don't look at me like that. I'm sorry too. It's just that I watched this documentary about ancient egyptian engineers and... you know, it made a convincing point about how Egyptians probably didn't have the help of aliens in building pyramids.

Stat!

Best Day Ever?

Lindsay Rae is moving back from Prince George!!! I received 2 packages in the mail containing the hoodie and necklace I ordered online! My car started! Lindsay is moving back! My Mom wants to look at a fixer upper condo in Crescent Heights! My writer's block on my paper is unblocked! Lindsay is moving back! And other things.
It's golden, this day.





You know what I want??



And I deserve it.

Ask The Magic 8 Ball!!!

Dear Magic 8 Ball

Q1: What's up?
A1: Cannot predict now.

Q2: That's kind of a cop out answer - dontcha think?
A2: Cannot predict now.

Comment: You son of a bitch.

Q3: Do you like Christmas?
A3: Ask again later.

Q4: Later as in after you've gotten your presents and judged your happiness based on them?
A4: Signs point to yes

Q5: Want to give me a hint as to what I should get you?
A5: It is certain.

Comment: I suppose we all want certainty. Especially 8 Balls. I just don't know if I can get you a concept as a gift. Besides, the world is a changing place. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what I want for Christmas is for you to pull your pants up a bit. Or am I taking your hint too literally?

Q6: That question I just said.
A6: It is decidedly so.

Comment: Okay. Well, sorry I went off a bit back there. Besides... I don't want any hints that are too obvious, cause then it won't be a surprise. Although, a toque/scarf combo would look ADORABLE on you. Okay. Good chat.

Want a boyfriend?

His smarmy little face eyed me as I eyed him back on the righthand side of my facebook page. Seriously? This douche is who you're trying to reel me in with AreYouInterested.com? Pass me a cat.



Ahhhh... Das ist besser.

I mean, look at this guy



LOOK AT HIM!



His name is Mitch. And Michelle, if you're reading this, I mean no offence. I just mean... actually, I do, beeatch. It's been far too long since we've fought. Anyway, you're probably not reading this. I don't think I gave you the address. Maybe I will. And say I wrote about you. THEN you'll read it.

SO. I obviously need to go to bed.

But before I do... like, this Mitch guy. Am I right? Would any of my readers care to stand up for him?

Update: Here's the Zoosk Guy. Headline: Why Are You Waiting?
Answer:


So readers? Who'd you do?

Must learn German, look at this.

Hello readers!

Good golly you are looking sexcellent today. So! When I'm feeling busy or lazy I like to put up pics I enjoy. Here are some. I'm going to go study.

Pics

Hey! Readers!!




Kitty o the Day



Sassy! Just the way I like.




My Dream Home

Seeing Red

What you've missed since my last post. A lot of girlish giggling and foot twisting, a lot of boring school junk and ZOMG HOLD THE BUS RIGHT NOW... IMPORTANT EMAIL COMING IN FROM BELOVED READER CHELSEA RAUCH.
Chelsea writes...
nothing... she's sent me a link to a KTLA news story
http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-ginger-beating,0,999291.story
If you'd like to read the full article... the gist of it is Kick A Ginger Day made it to year 2!
Wow! Some Middle School gingers in the US got kicked and hit for being born. This hilarious discrimination MUST STOP. I mean... what if someone kicked ME? And what also upsets me, is gingers were being HIT as well. Clearly breaking the rules. What's next? Will Kick A Ginger Day turns into Ginger Genocide???!!?!?!?!!!
I think we should take today to honor some important gingers.
1) My immediate family. Bless our hearts.
2) Jessica Rabbit, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Archie, Kyle Broflovski, Groundskeeper Willie, Wilma Flintstone and other Red Head cartoon characters
3) This kid who wrote a hilarious love letter I found on the internet the other day... http://theyoungmanhoststhetogaparty.blogspot.com/2008/02/peter-interests-kristen-hilarious-love.html
4) Sex God Josh Homme and hot royalty Prince Harry

And you know... lots of other people too. And listen... us gingers have a sense of humor, we just ask if you must "kick" us, one kick each. Not too hard. Don't "beat" us. And only once a year.
I haven't talked to the union about it, but I think we could probably settle on something like that.

A Poem of Protest

Imagine a world without red hair
A world without foxes and orange cats
A world without Gillian Anderson
That world would seem pretty flat

Imagine a world without Santa Claus
That's right, he had red hair too
Our pale skin bruises so easily
When you kick it, it turns green and blue

Imagine a world without red hair
Just Blonde and Black and Brown
Yes, the thought might start you smiling
But if it happened your smile would turn down.

In a frown.
Remember Charlie Brown?
He liked that little Red Haired girl.

Imagine a world without red hair
I can't! I mustn't! I'll not!
It's a beautiful hue
So fuck you! And fuck you!
I even love red headed pot.

When life gives you lemons - yay! Free lemons!

Pussy + Lesbians

That kitty is my life right now. In the past 24 hours I've fallen asleep reading thrice. And the strangest dreams wake me up. Anyhoo, I'm learning/writing about an INCREDIBLE woman poet named Sappho who lived around 600 B.C. She ran an academy for unmarried young women to be instructed on beauty and grace, singing, poetry, etc. And wrote incredibly sensual prose and was the namesake for both a type of poetry(Sapphic) and the term "Lesbian" (She lived in Lesbos) - and everyone LOVED her! She was incredibly respected in her time, but a few centuries after her death her personal life was joked about, then the Roman Catholics destroyed 90% of her works and... yadda yadda yadda. Anyway - I wanted to share one of the two only full surviving poem of hers (the rest are just fragments), it's translated (apparently nothing can rival the beauty of the original language)
Still... I hope you enjoy


On the throne of many hues, Immortal Aphrodite,
child of Zeus, weaving wiles--I beg you
not to subdue my spirit, Queen,
with pain or sorrow

but come--if ever before
having heard my voice from far away
you listened, and leaving your father's
golden home you came

in your chariot yoked with swift, lovely
sparrows bringing you over the dark earth
thick-feathered wings swirling down
from the sky through mid-air

arriving quickly--you, Blessed One,
with a smile on your unaging face
asking again what have I suffered
and why am I calling again

and in my wild heart what did I most wish
to happen to me: "Again whom must I persuade
back into the harness of your love?
Sappho, who wrongs you?

For if she flees, soon she'll pursue,
she doesn't accept gifts, but she'll give,
if not now loving, soon she'll love
even against her will."

Come to me now again, release me from
this pain, everything my spirit longs
to have fulfilled, fulfill, and you
be my ally

Cat of the Day + A Response to A Child's Letter + Bonus

Nom nom nom! Watch out kitty! You'll get brain freeze!!



Dear Jane,

Huh.

Here's an idea - why don't you answer your own question? It might go something like this...
1) Because billions of souls would never get to experience life due to your greed
2) People are idiots and need to die, so new idiots can (hopefully) progress civilization
3) Bodies aren't meant to last that long.

Can you think of other stuff Jane? I bet you can.

Ughhh.

Kids.

Too harsh?



One more for the road? Okay. Another something that found me online.



My favourite is "Reprimand them privately"

How To Care for Extroverts
- Ignore their requests for privacy
- Embarrass them whenever possible
- Always announce their arrival to a group and give them an opportunity to make a speech
- Press them for answers, allowing no more than 3 sec. between questions
- Interrupt them when they talk
- Little notice is required when major changes need to occur
- Reprimand them publicly
- Make their learning experiences public and stressful
- Discourage relationship building and the acquiring of 'friends'
- Help them become a better person by encouraging less extroverted behaviors

Birthday Blog

Grow Up Resolutions
-stop talking about the daily puppy
-organize my time better

Never Grow Up Resolutions
-make out more
-keep playing

If sex is a weapon then Smash! Boom! Pow! How you like me now?

Sorry... more TCV lyrics.

It's my party day! Hooray! But before I get to have fun, I have to school and I've been procrastinating all morning and I'm just terrible!!!!
So I said "Listen, Baxter. You write in your blog, then get to work and you'll be brilliant!" And I bought it. So here I am, typing away, with little to say on this birthdayous day. I'm jazzed on tonight though. I'm stoked, pumped, hyped and a little moist. I kid. I'm dry as the desert down there.
I predict a lot of overindulgence in booze and hugs... which is my favourite way to party. I could actually really go for a hug right now. Anyone? Ahh... we'll wait till I stumble into you.
Puppy? Well... Buster the Corgi isn't so bad. He has the same colouring and name as one of the favourite dogs of my childhood, Buster the Jack Russell Terrier who belonged to my Grandparents. What an awesome dog. He knew so many tricks. The only thing I really am not into in the pic is that metallic mushroom looking thing. What's that about? I think Buster should've found a more majestic place to pose. Hey - is that a fuzzy blue empty water bottle in the background? I mean, the rocks are nice, maybe move it over to a less "junky" area. Plus Buster's looking a little "serious". I like a puppy with a look of wonder, not understanding.
10 for being related to my childhood
-1 bad posing place
-1 look on face
Buster gets an 8.

Okay. Work now? No. A quick room tidy while listening to TCV, THEN I'll school.

I wish I had a scanner so I could upload a pic of Buster. I have one where my Grandma is trying to make it look like he's playing with our new Rottweiler puppy, so she has him in her hands and is mock making him jump forward. It's ridiculous. I'm in the background in my neon green stripes and stars and it was one of my first moments realizing grown-ups can be a real mess sometimes.

It hurts to be young - gotta learn every god damn thing.

I haven't felt this way about a CD for so long. I know it's only been a couple of days... but I really feel like it's going to be in my top 10 of all time. It's killing me. Every layer I peek beneath makes me peak. Them Crooked Vultures... I would play dead so you could pick my bones clean.
In other local news, school. Always with the school.
Social news? Visiting Asher tonight to watch TV and make broccoli cheese rice casserole thing. And a beer? Yep.
Smoking? Still not doing it. But I'm past the point of wanting individual cigs now, as much as I want to just go out and buy a pack. Seriously. It's a REAL temptation several times a day. What's next? Cartons?
I want a cigar for my birthday?
Ughh. I would mostly like to learn the skills of restraint, reason, humility... wait. What am I talking about?
I'm an idiot.
Oh it hurts to be young.
Good thing I'm getting older.
Bday party tomorrow, you know.
Hey - daily puppy. You've got something on your nose.

Hip Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation

Hello readers,

Happy humpday to you. You see the puppy? Diesel? What a cutie! A 9er, I'd say. So, to get "topical" I thought I'd talk Christmas a little today.

* I was in the mall yesterday and it's turned into all xmas, all the time. I'm talking shiny presents, hickory farms, and full blown holiday music. I whine about it when I've been exposed to that much commercial "cheer" for 1/2 an hour in a crowded environment. Retail workers. My heart truly goes out to you.

* I love chinese gift exchanges. I wish I could do them with everyone.

* One of my favorite things about the holidays (and WHY OH WHY can't they just start Dec 1... I mean COME ON!)(I know, I'm contributing to the problem right now. Sorry.) is the specials on TV. Classics like Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, Die Hard, Grinch, Elf, Rudolph... There are so many great ones. But, there are a lot of bad ones out there too. I think we've all made the mistake of watching "Olive, the Other Reindeer"... also watched "Madagascar Christmas" last night which was pretty awful. Really awful. Completely unimaginative and a little sad.

Anyhoo... those are my thoughts on the holidays right now. Sorry to bring them up this early. I blame society.

*Final note - I can't wait for Christmas Vacation!!!!! As someone who only gets 1 day a week off, the prospect of having 2 weeks free sounds incredible. And I love how everyone goes home for Christmas, so I get to see my childhood chums. Warm fuzzies.

And I love when my mom makes mulled wine

And Christmas oranges are so good!

Advent calendars!!!!

Decorating the tree!!

Oh, now I'm excited. Thanks a lot BLOG.

On a final note... here's a Christmas card I would send to you if I wasn't both cheap and lazy.

href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVKJsJGN5PZerfcTUUvMvtZgZBjvk7jC4_zJfFmf4R0uF29toFj2Rviain7BQ1Umxk4G71jShukK-09THVjBhCntz_YZ0Mx3WBr6RWhuzjzVOG5FdOGpe3SGcp3_DSdnAw4hlV1Z5hGRA/s1600/Santa+front.jpg">

November 17

I have A LOT of Rock&Roll surging through my blood today. It feels gooooood. It feels like being pushed off a cliff and you float down, pulling the jagged edges with you, smothering, hot, hard. And I want to push back. I want to push back but I can't so I dance. With no pants.

AND I'm getting a haircut.

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